Main Entry: trust
Etymology: Middle English, probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse traust trust; akin to Old English trEowe faithful
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
i couldnt sleep much last night. or was it this morning… or whatever that inbetween time is called. dont ask why ’cause i cannot help you.
random thoughts walked proprietarily across my restless mind (and hungry stomach, i irrelevantly realized). we leave for mysore tomorrow. driver in tow. maid left behind. driver said his Avis pay was very less. again. he said so before. takes him Rs.75 to get home by rickshaw. ok, was that a hint? he seems nice enough, but do i trust him yet?
what is trust anyway?
the maid — can i leave her behind? she seems timid, almost scared to be by herself. will my ‘live-in’ be influenced by the other one to leave the house?
why is sanjana so trusting? she talks so innocently to everyone. “what’s your name?” to the furniture delivery guy, dhobi, security guard, everyone. she loves the driver. “it’s ramesh!” with a big smile. hand in hand, she happily goes with him. he is courteous beyond a doubt and very helpful too. what should i teach her? to be friendly or suspicious? the maids & the driver are ubiquitous. they both seem ‘trustworthy’ … but circumstance…? can i trust circumstance?
i didnt even know where maria (our bi-weekly maid in phoenix) lived. all i had was a fickle cell phone number. and still i trusted.
then why not ramesh? shanta? prema?
trust. what is it anyway? so fragile and yet so strong. my mind wandered lazily around analogies…. like glass? like elastic? hook’s law? does trust shatter, snap or simply deform slowly? do i have to learn to trust? blindly? on what basis? and above all, who?
it bothered me enough to wake me at 4:15am and keep me awake. i gathered sanjana close and hugged her. her soft breathing comforted me.
but made it all the more difficult for me to trust.